"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE HEAT FUCKING SUCK. MAYBE IT WAS ALL KIND OF PREDICTABLE. I MEAN BASKETBALL IS A TEAM SPORT YOU NEED TO HAVE FIVE BODIES ON THE COURT AND THREE CAN BE REALLY FUCKING AWESOME BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE FOURTH AND FIFTH ARE WARM CORPSES KNOWN AS 'SHANE BATTIER' AND 'JUWAN HOWARD.' SMH, MIAMI HEAT. GO FUCK YOURSELVES" - 5 June 2012
The Miami Heat are NBA champions, and I don't want to live in this world anymore.
Actually, though, I'm OK with it, not because this result is a joyous one, but because it's a natural one. LeBron James is the most talented (ahem, but not the greatest) basketball player we ever have and ever will see. He should win MVP awards and NBA championships. (Not one, not two, not three . . . ok, three championships sounds about right.) No matter that he's a narcissistic douchebag that left his hometown high and dry, that he subscribes to the somewhat shameful "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality, that he refers to himself as royalty, that stupid "Chosen 1" tattoo, that he wears two headbands to cover his Wayne Rooney-esque hairline. He may be despicable off the court, but now even Skip Bayless can't deny how fantastic he is on it.
For Heat haters like myself (i.e. all of America and probably even 50% of Miami) it's time to get used to that picture above. Because as much as LeBron has been vilified, here and elsewhere, he shows up to play every single time. That triple doubles often feel like disappointments speaks not only to James' unfair talent but also to the consistent application of it; his domination of games has become so regular it now seems almost banal.
The best players usually win. Time to (begrudgingly) accept destiny.
You did it, LeBron. Congratulations*, I guess.
(*HOWEVER - in order to join the true pantheon of basketball champions, one must excel not only on the court but also on the silver screen. So what you've got the first part down? You're still never gonna top the true Hollywood greats...)
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