Seven Ways Mizzou Lost the Plot of Michael Sam's Coming Out

Hey, it's ancient news now, but remember that whole Michael Sam thing? That was pretty badass, right? Everyone's been waiting for someone to break the last major barrier in American sports; now, we know it's happening (and actually, it already has happened!)

For this football-obsessed, Kinsey-six gay Mizzou student, there were lots of feels. Good feels! Happy feels! Proud feels! First, because after watching Sam for the last three years, I knew he'd do nothing but great things on and off the field, even with the added attention and pressure after his announcement. But second, and more surprisingly, nobody said anything stupid. Even Facebook was completely free of objectionable content. There was no "why is this news?," no "love the sinner, hate the sin," no "he's just doing this for publicity." Even the one friend I have who sometimes complains about reverse racism affirmed his support and happiness for Sam. I was shocked to the point of tears of joy. We were all handling this so well!

In the ensuing days, though, things got a bit uncomfortable. While the enthusiasm the university and the student body displayed in support of Sam was awesome to see, it came with certain problematic preconditions (that I'm going to try to debunk - Buzzfeed style! - below). Again: it's not that our reaction to Michael Sam was in any way disappointing or embarrassing; I just think we need to remember these things.

1. This is about all LGBT people

Within an hour of Sam's announcement hitting the press, everyone's favorite group of Kansans, the Westboro Baptist Church, announced they'd be headed to Columbia the following Saturday to voice their displeasure with Mr. Sam and Mizzou in their typical polite fashion.

And within minutes after the WBC announcement, a group of students had formed their own counter-protest: "One Wall, One Mizzou," where attendees would form a silent human barricade, backs facing the Baptists, blocking the protest site from the rest of campus. The Facebook event got 5,000 respondents, and several thousand people did show up and follow through with the plan. 

The description on the Facebook event was kinda weird, though. "The focus of this wall is unification behind Sam to represent this school as One." Cool! Except … what about all the other members of the LGBT community, on campus and around the nation? Do we want to unify in support of them as well? It's fine if we don't, but then we should change the hashtag from #OneMizzou to #OneMizzouFootballPlayer...

(Again: I don't doubt that the organizers and attendees are down with the cause for the entire LGBT community. It's just weird that they didn't say so.)

2. We can have "MU Pride" and LGBT Pride

Also included in the Facebook event description: a plea that those in attendance refrain from bringing signs, wearing apparel, or actively making verbal statements explicitly focused on LGBT rights. Wear black and gold, please; you divisive rainbow-clad queers needn't head out. 

But…but…

This insinuation that LGBT pride/representation should take a back seat to demonstrate loyalty to Mizzou is kinda super insulting to gay people. It's not like this is just another pep rally for the football team; the season's over, for fuck's sake. There are many valid reasons to counter-protest - to support Sam, the university and its embrace of LGBT people, LGBT rights in general. Why not let everyone express those reasons in whatever way they want?

3. It is political

Quoting, yet again, from that Facebook event description: "we don't want to make this political or split the Mizzou community."

LOLWUT.

Call me back when I can get married and not get thrown out of the store while trying to buy the wedding cake, kthx. 

4. We should probably be mad at other groups/people in addition to the Westboro Baptists

You know the batshit bills in Arizona and Kansas that would make it legal for businesses to refuse service to same-sex couples on the grounds that queers somehow violate their religious beliefs? Something very similar just got introduced in the Missouri legislature! So we can expect a crowd of thousands in front Sen. Wayne Wallingford's office tomorrow, right?

Sure, the Westboro Baptists deserve to be cunt-punted into oblivion. Sen. Wallingford and his counterparts in Arizona and Kansas deserve no better. Nor do the various other religious sects that lack Westboro's name brand but share the same spirit of hatred. Just because the WBC is an easy target of ire doesn't mean we should stop there.

(Also, a thought: maybe the WBC is so universally hated not because of its homophobia, but because it protests institutions - military funerals, football, etc. - that society (i.e. straight people) values so highly? Plenty of groups openly campaign against gay rights and receive either little attention or a spike in chicken sandwich sales; take shots at the military, though, and you've gone too far.)

5. Keeping Sam's sexuality a secret wasn't a noble feat, just a matter of basic human decency

The Columbia Missourian, the Mizzou j-school funded newspaper that calls itself "Mid-Missouri's Finest News Source," ran a, uh, thing from sports editor Greg Bowers (who, fun fact, doesn't even like sports) discussing how the paper had known about Sam's sexuality since August, but refrained from publishing the news without Sam's OK. "Look at us! We knew *AND* we didn't tell!"

Well happy fucking congratulations. You're not assholes! I mean, your paper is full of typos, your sports section renounces actual sports news in favor of puff pieces about fake mustaches, and you used the word "chortled" in an article in the year 2014, but you kept this big, bad secret! Just wait here, Greg, while I bake you a batch of cookies and finish embroidering "ALLY" on the sash I sewed you. 

6. This is about Mizzou's people, not the school itself

Considering that we are in the middle of Missouri, it's amazing how supportive Columbia and the Mizzou community is of LGBT people. The University has added sexual orientation to its anti-discrimination policy, provides full benefits to same-sex partners of its employees, funds a ballin' LGBTQ Resource Center, promotes inclusivity for trans* students, and has a ton of respected student leaders who identify as members of the LGBT community.

But those things didn't just happen. All of these forms of progress were the result of years of advocacy of a few concerned and determined students and staff members. The administration and the student body deserve credit for accepting and implementing these mechanisms of support for LGBT students; but its those activists who campaigned on behalf of those policies from the start, and not "the system" as a whole, who should get the credit.

In the same way, Michael Sam made himself. His on-field success and off-field bravery are solely the products of his own journey. That the most notable part of that journey occurred at Mizzou is merely a happy accident of fate.

7. It's…really fucking complicated

Back in August, I was headed out to dinner with some friends - an average night like any other -when "Same Love" came on the radio, and things got, uh, weirder. I felt the eyes sheepishly darting toward me, in imagined hopes of a certain reaction; I felt the thoughts of "this song is about *you*" and "you *must* love this song, it has to be so relatable." And sure, this memory stems more from my underlying insecurities than anything else, but in that moment, I was reduced to being the gay one, as if that's the only thing that defines or matters about me. While I wasn't ostracized or taken advantage of in any way, the whole thing did make me feel uncomfortably, visibly different, in a context where I just want to blend in.

Of course, it's important to recognize the gay community (and its allies) as a "we," because in numbers we gain power and in power we gain recognition and rights. But all that's just a small start, because our voices are even more compelling on their own. I'm sure Macklemore's just a well-meaning dude trying to appeal to the universality of emotion, but a) he sucks, and b) in his lecturing, all he does is erase the real, highly individualized lives of queer people. Pride parades and celebrity comings-out and equal-sign profile pictures are important in their own way - visibility is power! - but the tiny moments, seeing two guys walking down the street holding hands, are the ones that'll help everyone understand, relate to, love everyone else.

This part's a completely convoluted mess, and doesn't relate at all to any of the other points, but I needed to try and express it. Really, though, we're coming to the point where reducing the heat of the cultural spotlight is the way forward for LGBTQ people. We have the same hopes and occupations and faults and fears and interests that create wholly unique stories for each one of us, the same as everyone else. And we all get so wrapped up in the "cause" that we forget that the gender of the human being on the other side of your mouth doesn't really fucking matter, and how ludicrous it is that anyone ever thought it did.

Grief

The Missouri Tigers are a basketball team.

They won a lot of games this year.

Not this one though.

It made me feel sad.

At least there's a cure. A cheap, glorious, esophagus-burning cure.

M-I-Z - D-G-B

One week ago, a certain wide receiver announced his intention to play college football at the University of Missouri. Succumbing to the alcoholic charm of head coach Gary Pinkel and an irrefusable offer of part-ownership in offensive coordinator David Yost's booming haircare product line, Dorial Green-Beckham chose the Tigers over a bunch of lesser schools.

The positives of this move are obvious for both sides. Mizzou gets the number one recruit in the nation, a 6'6", 220-pound wide receiver that can run 40 yards in 4.3 seconds and catch any ball thrown in the 10-foot radius around him. DGB arguably becomes one of the biggest icons in school history just by committing here, proving the program's relevance after a disappointing 8-5 season in the face of a much-scrutinized move to the rugged (read: shitty offense goes up against awesome, physical defense) SEC. Condensed: there ain't anything wrong with getting good players. Ever.

(He also avoids the putrid state of Arkansas and legendary "happiness succubus" Bobby Petrino, as one would know had they followed the signing day Twitter conversation of crazy Joaquin Phoenix and fatass Spiderman).

It gets tricky when you consider the second-worst human invention of all time (behind relationships, of course): expectations. I'm not quite sure either party knows quite what they're getting into.

Many Mizzou fans expect DGB to step on the field and become not only the best player on the field, or in school history, but in all of college football. Obviously, anybody with DGB's skill set will succeed to some extent no matter who he's going up against, but the jump from Class 5 high school football in Missouri to the SEC is a daunting one. We have to realize that DGB probably won't catch 100 balls for 1800 yards right away. He will disappear in games due to double and triple-coverage and the consistently questionable strategy of Gary Pinkel and the decidedly mediocre pocket passing of James Franklin. He won't win the Heisman because his team won't be good enough.

It's not to say he's not the second coming of Randy Moss or Calvin Johnson (those two, after all, are gods). He could become the greatest player in school history. He may break every school receiving record halfway through his junior season. He may win every individual award and break every NFL Combine record and lead the Rams to six Super Bowls and get elected to the Hall of Fame on the first ballot, but he is still a single solitary human playing the ultimate team game. He will not lead Mizzou to a national championship.

If the fans expect superhuman performances from DGB right away (as I think many do), a certain segment on the lunatic fringe will turn on him. They'll say he doesn't try hard enough, that he relies on his prodigious talent, that he's a bust. They are exactly the same people that relentlessly chanted his name for two straight hours two Saturdays ago at Mizzou Arena. When you receive the kind of fierce adoration DGB got before even committing (much less playing) here, even the most grounded, realistic people would expect an everlasting honeymoon, and eighteen-year old kids (I was one just three weeks ago) aren't that grounded and realistic.

In the end, there's little we know about DGB's college career right now. We can guess with some certainty that he has a healthy ego (or at least enough to hashtag his own nickname in a tweet). Don't begrudge him that, as anybody that can do the things he does deserves to feel pretty damn good about his life.

We can also guess what he'll expect from Mizzou fans - hell, he's already told us:

"I kind of like that they didn't get too fired up. They weren't trying to distract me from what I had to do in the game. Wherever they came from, whether it was Columbia or St. Louis or back home, I thought they did pretty good. That gives me comfort in knowing, ‘OK, they're cool. They're not going to bother me while I'm in a game, trying make me float out mentally from what I should be doing to pay attention to what they're doing.'"

The entire state of Alabama would scoff at the intensity of even the most unhinged Missouri football fans. DGB needs to realize, though, that Columbia ain't always Chillumbia; people give a shit about Mizzou more than SEC partisans currently give them credit for. I know basketball is a foreign sport in the South, but the intensity at that Kansas game? Palpable, to say the least. Faurot Field will never be Bryant-Denny or Jordan-Hare, but Mizzou has good fans that expect good efforts and good results.

Ultimately, the size of DGB's ego must remain proportional to his stats on the football field. If he lives up to the staggering expectations, he could have all the understatement and humility of Kim Jong Il and we will still love him unconditionally. If he does not - and there will be times when he simply cannot meet the bar, no matter how high his vertical leap - he must realize how bright the spotlight is. He cannot react to adversity with petulance and expectations of acceptance from fans. He cannot coast through his college career as a brief pitstop in the race for NFL millions. He cannot let DGB, the mythical supercreature, replace Dorial Green-Beckham, the tough-luck teen that just happened to hit the genetic lottery.

At some point, DGB will disappoint. Mizzou fans have not conditioned him for the criticism he will inevitably receive. It doesn't mean he can't take it. It doesn't mean this whole thing won't end real, real well.