Without further ado, here 'tis-
- LSU- Les Miles is a fucking genius, and if you ate the PCP-laced grass that is the field of Tiger Stadium you would be too.
- Boise State- After winning the national championship, Chris Petersen and Kellen Moore will take their talents to Hollywood and star in a buddy comedy, The Scientologist Squad, which I personally cannot wait for.
- Alabama- Nick Saban doesn't have time for this blogging shit.
- Wisconsin- Were You Aware?- sometimes, the Wisconsin Badgers football team runs the football!
- Oklahoma- STOOPSFACE!
- Texas A&M- Would be higher if Rick Perry wasn't an alum there.
- Stanford- LUCKBEARD!
- Oklahoma State- Imagine the dread of Lane Kiffin and the rest of the USC players when they have to make the long flight to war-torn Stillwater, Afghanistan to take on the Pac-16 bound Pokes.
- South Carolina- Don't be clownin' with Jadeveon Clowney, mothafuckas.
- Florida- Proves that tight pants on fat men give one a decided schematic advantage.
- Nebraska- Carl Pelini is best Pelini!
- Arkansas- WHO GONNA GET RYAN MALLETT A SCANTRON??? WHO GONNA GET TYLER WILSON A BUNSEN BURNER??? WHO GONNA GET BOBBY PETRINO A SOUL??? (somehow, this is one sentence)
- Virginia Tech- Were You Aware?- sometimes, the Virginia Tech Hokies football team plays offense competently (but usually not)!
- Oregon- WOW WHO IS THIS KALEN WAGONER GUY WHO WROTE THIS ARTICLE THIS GUY IS RETARDED AND KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT OREGON FOOTBALL.
- South Florida- Men named Skip are men worth trusting.
- West Virginia- Because my dream in life is to party at a Morgantown casino at 3 AM on a Wednesday with Dana Holgorsen.
- Georgia Tech- Not 100...not 200...not 300...not 400...not 500...604 FUCKING YARDS RUSHING IN ONE GAME HOLY SHIT (remember, though- 600 yards against Kansas=60 yards against real football team).
- Baylor- Were You Aware?- The Baylor Bears are pissed that conferences are ignoring the will of God and leaving their Baptist asses without a prayer in the world (If you're feeling down, Baylor, I know a guy named David Koresh who can help you out!)
- Iowa State- Somebody give Paul Rhoads a real fucking job, the man's won three times as much as Chizik did already.
- Illinois- DAAYYYUUUUMMMMM THEIR COACH BE A HOTTT PIECE OF ASS!!!!!! UIUC, slowly becoming somewhat competent in something other than computer engineering!
- Mississippi State- Deep, unconditional love for Dan Mullen and the immortal Relf-to-Bumphis passing combination.
- Notre Dame- I know, I know, this is a WTF; but besides the turnovers and BRIAN KELLY PURPLEFACE, they've been pretty damn good, as proved by trouncing a very solid Michigan State side.
- Texas- I MISS WATCHING FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS WAAAAHHHHHH
- Auburn- Anything to please the readers, but I must admit- this blog was absolutely giddy to see a college team in Clemson beat the well-paid professional squad fielded by Auburn. WE LOVE OUR READERS THOUGH, so we still rank the War-Damn-Eagle-Tigers.
- Vanderbilt- Because we will never have as good a reason as this to rank them in the future.
LITERARY AND INTELLIGENT CONTENT COMING SOON. Until then, everyday I'm shuff-a-lin, and you should do the same. -kw-
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