Two Sentences.

GODDAMMIT YOU MOTHERFUCKER COCKSUCKERS THAT MAKE UP THE RAMS FUCKING COACHING STAFF WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU THINKING YOU FUCKTARDS ESPECIALLY YOU JOSH MCDANIELS BUT ALSO YOU STEVE SPAGNUOLO I WON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN IT COMES OUT THAT Y'ALL ARE PULLING PETE ROSE SHIT RIGHT NOW AND BETTING ON YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING FOOTBALL TEAM TO LOSE AND I DON'T EVEN GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE NFL ANYMORE BUT GODDAMN YOU FUCKERS JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND IT'S REALLY FUCKING IRRITATING TO SOME PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT YOU TO GO FLY A FUCKING KITE JUST ALL Y'ALL EVEN THAT CUNT SAM BRADFORD JUST GO TO A BACK ALLEY BAR WHERE YOU CAN GET FUCKED IN THE ASSHOLE BY HERMAN CAIN AND THEN GET SUCKED OFF IN THE GLORY HOLE BY JACK HOFFMAN WHO CAN THEN SHOVE HIS BALL PEEN HAMMER UP ALL Y'ALLS TWATS WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE LEARN HOW TO CALL SOME FUCKING GOAL LINE OFFENSE YOU HAVE FUCKING STEVEN JACKSON AND YOU FUCKING THROW THE FUCKING FOOTBALL TO YOUR SHITTY ASS RECEIVERS GODDAMN FUCK I'D RATHER WATCH TWO GIRLS ONE CUP OR THREE GUYS ONE HAMMER OR FOUR HERMAPHRODITES ONE LADY GAGA OVER YOUR SHITTY FUCKING OFFENSE HOPEFULLY R KELLY COMES TO ST LOUIS TOMORROW AND MISTAKES ALL Y'ALL FOR NINE YEAR OLD GIRLS AND PISSES ALL OVER ALL Y'ALL BEFORE HANDING YOU PINK SLIPS AND REVEALING THAT YOUR WIVES HAVE BEEN CHEATING WITH AFRICAN-AMERICAN MIDGET STRIPPERS WHO ARE BLESSED WITH DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGE GENITALIA AND/OR NEWT GINGRICH IN SUMMATION FUCK ALL Y'ALL.

Even these words are not nearly harsh enough for Steve Spagnuolo, Josh McDaniels, and everybody else associated with your 2-11 St. Louis Rams.

The Search

The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life . . . To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair.

What do you seek- God? you ask with a smile.

I hesitate to answer, since all other Americans have settled the matter for themselves and to give such an answer would amount to setting myself a goal which everyone else has reached- and therefore raising a question in which no one has the slightest interest. Who wants to be dead last among one hundred and eighty million Americans? For, as everyone knows, the polls report that 98% of Americans believe in God and the remaining 2% are atheists and agnostics- which leaves not a single percentage point for a seeker. For myself, I enjoy answering polls as much as anyone and take pleasure in giving intelligent replies to all questions.

Truthfully, it is the fear of exposing my own ignorance which constrains me from mentioning the object of my search. For, to begin with, I cannot even answer this, the simplest and most basic of questions: Am I, in my search, a hundred miles ahead of my fellow Americans or a hundred miles behind them? That is to say: Have 98% of Americans already found what I seek or are they so sunk in everydayness that not even the possibility of a search has occurred to them?

On my honor, I do not know the answer.       

-- Walker Percy, The Moviegoer 

College Football 2011- In List Form

OUR FINAL POLL

1. LSU
2. Oklahoma State
3. Alabama
4. Stanford
5. Wisconsin
6. USC
7. Boise State
8. Oregon
9. Kansas State
10. Arkansas
11. Baylor
12. South Carolina
13. Clemson
14. Michigan
15. Southern Miss
16. Virginia Tech
17. Houston
18. TCU
19. Michigan State
20. Georgia
21. West Virginia
22. Oklahoma
23. Georgia Tech
24. Nebraska
25. Missouri (FOR THE LOLZ)

OUR HEISMAN BALLOT

1. RG3
2. Honey Badger
3. Montee Ball
4. Andrew Luck
5. Trent Richardson
6. Denard Robinson
7. Matt Barkley
8. Case Keenum
9. Sammy Watkins
10. Nathan Scheelhaase/AJ Jenkins (co-champs)

COACH OF THE YEAR

1. Ron Zook (OBVIOUSLY)
2. Rick Neuheisel (the poor man's Zook for the poor man's Champaign-Urbana)
3. Paul Johnson (for the triple-option and for not giving a fuck)
4. Gary Pinkel (for the drunkards)
5. Brian Kelly (for his strong resemblance to Grimace of McDonald's fame)
6. Paul Rhoads
7. Mike Gundy 
8. Kevin Sumlin
9. Les Miles
10. Bill Snyder (actual winner- for his evil overlord powers)

ASSISTANT COACH OF THE YEAR

1. Ted Roof 
2. Charlie Weis
3. Jerry Sandusky

WORST TRAVESTIES

1. Me not getting an interview for the Illinois head coaching position
2. Penn State
3. Rematch in the BCS Championship
4. Nick Saban
5. Kansas' defense

BEST THINGS

1. Mizzou moving to the SEC
2. Mike Leach finally hired by Washington State
3. Plot to assassinate Ron Zook foiled
4. Michigan State-Wisconsin games
5. Oklahoma running classic QB Power

BEST SPORT, BEST TV SHOW, BEST THING ABOUT LIFE IN TWO THOUSAND AND ELEVEN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS BEAR BRYANT/PAT DYE/TIM TEBOW

1. College Football