18 January 2012

Hasta Luego, Miguel



Mike Martz answered the question nobody was asking yesterday.

The erstwhile offensive genius of the NFL has officially announced his retirement from coaching. As no team publicly sought Martz's services after his resignation from the Bears earlier this year, Martz's statement puzzled the media and the Twittersphere. Many no doubt saw it as one last, shameless grab at the spotlight by a man whose coaching star has faded- though his ego has not.

When a team hires Martz to its coaching staff, it can be sure of two things. The first: Martz will piss somebody off. He's certainly a little aloof and not a particularly warm fellow, and telling him to change his approach is a futile, if not counterproductive, exercise. His image as some sort of nutty professor, white-haired and bespectacled and shredding defenses with reckless abandon, has both made and ruined his reputation over the years.

The other, more important certainty lies somewhere more quantifiable- more points will be scored. AThe converse also holds true- after Martz is fired, less points will be scored.* The facts bear it out (Martz's years with team listed in bold):

1998 Rams- 285 points (24th)
1999 Rams- 526 points (1st)

2005 Rams- 363 points (11th)
2006 Rams- 367 points (10th)
(*Yeah, so the whole "Fire Martz and Get Worse" thesis doesn't bear true here, but after 2006 it all went to hell for the Rams. Their scoring offense rankings since 2007- 28th, 30th, 32nd, 26th, 32nd. Having watched most of the shitty games in this era of 15-65 football, I can say it was as depressing, if not more so, than the stats make it look.)

2005 Lions- 254 points (28th)
2006 Lions- 305 points (21st)
2007 Lions- 346 points (16th)
2008 Lions- 268 points (27th)**
(**With Martz in 2007, the Lions went 7-9. Jon Fucking Kitna threw for 4,000 yards. After canning their wonderful offensive coordinator, they promptly dropped to 0-16 the following year.)

2007 49ers- 219 points (32nd)
2008 49ers- 339 points (22nd)
2009 49ers- 330 points (18th)

2009 Bears- 327 points (19th)
2010 Bears- 331 points (21st)
2011 Bears- 353 points (17th)
2012 Bears- ???

I know that after 1999 the record doesn't look so hot. Remember, though, that the 49ers and Lions had shitty players during his tenures there and that he nearly led a team to the Super Bowl on the back of a third-string quarterback just last year. Maybe those Super Bowl runs with the Rams were the perfect combination of scheme and talent at the perfect time, enough to mask some of the deficiencies in Martz's personality and coaching style. Maybe. The numbers and the anecdotal evidence lead me to believe the man still hasn't totally lost it.

Let me first point out the problems with my argument. I look at his career from a kid's wide eyes behind blue-and-gold-tinted glasses. I know I'm incredibly jaded from the past five years of Rams sucking and look back on the good old days as better than they really were. I realize the zenith of his coaching career, Super Bowl XXXIV, took place when I was seven years and one day old, and at that time I didn't understand football like I do (after a good ten years of Madden) today. I understand that he's sort of a dick and kind of a mercenary and that most people don't like him, which matters in a sport with as many interrelated parts as football does.

But if you really play to win the game, you should probably want that dick on your side. The man nearly doubled a team's offensive output in a single year. So his style leaves quarterbacks and defenses vulnerable. Tough shit for them. So he likes to do things his way. Get used to it. So do Mike Leach and Dana Holgorsen, and everybody loves them.

The NFL emphasizes notions of parity and competitive balance more than any other sport. Unfortunately, that mindset filters from the league suits to individual front offices and ultimately through an incestuous coaching pool. Everybody seeks to do things the same way, the Right Way, building defense and a strong running game. Most football fans see through this bullshit. Most coaches still don't.

Mike Martz was the rare exception, and count this blogger's voice in amongst the tiny chorus who will miss his presence on the sideline next fall.



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